Straight and Fast
by seashell118
Summary: Alaska is pissed and drunk when she finds her chance to get out of the labyrinth in the form of a jackknifed truck. Straight and fast. That's the way to go. Straight. And. Fast. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: John Green FTW.**

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I flung open the door and then slammed it shut. I saw the dark shapes of the Colonel and Pudge stir, but it didn't matter. Nothing fucking mattered right now. I needed to leave this godforsaken place.

But the Eagle wouldn't dare let me, so I needed their help.

I didn't have time for pleasantries. "I have to get out of here!" I cried, and they jolted out of their already punctured sleep.

"What's wrong?" Pudge asked sleepily.

"I forgot! God, how many times can I fuck up?" My breathing was shaky and labored, just like my mom's had been before she died. Before I killed her. And I couldn't even remember the fucking anniversary of her death. "I JUST HAVE TO GO. HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Where do you need to go?"

If only I could tell you, Pudge.

I collapsed on the floor, pulling my arms tightly around my torso and sobbed. "Just please distract the Eagle right now so I can go. Please." _Please. Please._

"Okay", Pudge and the Colonel said in unison.

"Just don't turn on your lights," the Colonel said. "Just drive slow and don't turn on your lights. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fuck," I answered, because that was the closest I could get to articulating the dark pain I was spiraling into. "Just get rid of the Eagle for me! God, oh God, I'm so sorry." I could feel some sort of breakdown coming; I couldn't seem to speak without screaming.

"Okay. Start the car when you hear the second string."

I just barely was able to nod.

Did I deserve such friends like this? Of course not. I was a horrible person and they were good, pure. They would probably make me explain when I got back, but for now they were just letting me do what I need to do. Takumi, too. He didn't ask any questions when I was talking crazy about needing to pick white flowers.

I heard the first string burst its way into life, and I panicked. I still didn't have any—my eyes fell onto the vase with the flower Jake had given me, and I grabbed it. Then I ran.

It didn't take long to get to my little blue piece of shit; I had just started the engine when I heard the second string explode.

_Drive_, my brain commanded me. So I did.

My blood was still pounding furiously, and I wished I hadn't drunk so much, and I wished I had remembered my mom, and how could I forget? It was my fault that she had a death day anniversary. My fault, my fault, my fault.

I let out a scream and pounded the steering wheel with my fists, which probably wasn't smart because I was already barreling down the highway drunk, but I didn't care.

_I fucked up, Mom. Again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. _I felt the tears, hot and wet against my cheek, and I screamed again.

"FUCK MY LIFE!" I shouted.

I needed a sign, something that showed me beyond a reasonable doubt that my mother forgave me—not just for tonight, but for everything. For letting her go. For being me.

That's when I saw it.

A cop car was parked in front of a truck that looked strange. It was jackknifed, I realized. It looked like someone had snapped the neck of some grotesque beast.

The cop had apparently seen me coming, and his lights were flashing, and the siren was on, and I knew I could swerve, but this was it.

First, I let my mom die. Then I forget her fucking anniversary and I just should have called 911 in the first place and I _couldn't take this shit anymore. _I was stuck in the labyrinth, the sheer mass of my suffering nearly suffocating me with its weight.

How do you get out of the labyrinth?

Straight. And. Fast.

And so I floored it.

I wasn't scared. I knew that whatever pain would come would end quickly. I wasn't going to get out of this alive.

And then there were only fifty yards between us and then less and then I was so close and the cop jumped out of the way and _shit this is going to hurt_, but I couldn't fucking live anymore—

I didn't have the time to scream before the impact.

At first I couldn't feel anything. And then the shock subsided and I tried to vomit, but I couldn't because something was stuck in my chest. I looked down, and _oh shit oh shit that's a lot of blood_ but wasn't that the point? And why wasn't I dying already? And Pudge's face burst into my mind, and I realized that I didn't have any last words, and so, for him, I scraped up the last of my energy.

"Fuck," I whispered with my last laboring breath. "Fuck the labyrinth."

And then I closed my eyes, and drifted away into the arms of my mother.

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**Reviews would be super, super awesome because this is my first Looking for Alaska fanfic. **


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